from the sock drawer <3

location: school

mood: tired

music: Jeremy Camp (Give You Glory)

i’d miss you more than the evening sky

…from the sock drawer

james potter x lily evans

--

         He’s dead. The words resound in the silence of my mind, my eyes are closed and all I see is him. Like a movie projector playing the different scenes to make up a whole, beautiful movie, I kept seeing details of his life that were insignificant to so many people until they saw the whole picture. I let the sight of his jet-black hair that stuck up in different directions, never remaining flat overwhelm me. It was pathetic how beautiful such a mess was to me, how I had memorized the exact hue of his hair...in the sun, the rain, the moonlight… I thought next of his laugh, how it filled the room with joy and how he would wrinkle his nose before he laughed. I laughed with my memory of him, smiling far too big.

         All I could see was him, the quarks that made up a man I had never fully appreciated until now… until it was too late. I wanted to hold onto the memories I had of him forever. But they started floating away, getting less clear, evaporating until I could just hear an echo of his laughter. I try to catch the memories of him in my hands, but they just keep slipping through my grasp, I am helpless. He’s dead. dead. dead. dead. I’d never see him smile again or laugh again. My heart is breaking inside my chest. I can feel the tides of pain rising up around me, dragging me in deeper, drowning me. And once again, I’m crushed, I’m broken, I’m desperate, I am hopeless. I could never live in a world where he did not exist. “I love you…I’ll miss you more than anything…” I whispered as I slipped back into consciousness…

         I couldn’t catch a breath; pain grasped my heard, tears fell onto my pillow. I took an unsteady breath and exhaled. My eyes fluttered open against my pillow as reality took a hold of me. It had all been a dream, one horrible nightmare that threatened to kill me with pain. I remembered flashes of the dream, the only thing clear was the thought of never seeing him again and how my heart still ached even after waking up.

         Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. There was an urgency that I could not quench, if I didn’t do anything now, I never would. I stumbled out of bed and across the few steps that separated his room from mine. I ignored the bit of pain in my hand from pounding on the door of his room—it was nothing compared to my nightmare. I felt my heart race at the sight of the disoriented and surprised head boy that stood in the door way I threw my arms around him, and clung to him like he was a life ring keeping me afloat. He looked curiously at me, but I hardly noticed, he was alive and he was holding onto me.

         “I love you,” I murmured into his chest. I felt his arms tighten around me as he whispered, “I have always loved you.”

         I had never felt more alive.

location: my lovely room

mood: thoughtful

music: Alli Rogers

It was one of those nights. The nights that terrified some, but to her it was magical. Lightning bolts danced in the sky, illuminating the pitch-black darkness for a blink of an eye. The darkness was constantly being penetrated by many bolts at a time, making the landscape visible. Tonight was one of those nights when the lightning was the star of the show, where there was no thunder, and rain came in short, power packed intervals.